They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize