I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
