I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
