Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
