Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
