The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
ttyl tear gas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
