hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
