Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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