Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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