Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
