So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
