I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
