it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
