after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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