taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
