I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
