I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
