So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
