Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
