So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
