I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
