If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
