you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize