I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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