so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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