Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
