remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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