I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
