I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
