Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
