Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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