So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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