i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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