So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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