I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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