if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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