Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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