when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
