he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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