i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
