I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The air was thick with penises
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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