I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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