I didn't shave. On purpose
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize