talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
