i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
