I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
