DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In other news, I just burned my penis
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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