You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
