i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
