I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
