I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
