im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
