I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
