So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
