Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
