Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
