When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
