I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
