so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
