Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
