Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
