You're earring is so big in my mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
