Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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