i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
