i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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