I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
