you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
