that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
