he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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