if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
