She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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