we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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