Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize