the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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