So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
