I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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