we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
