Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You're so nebulous sometimes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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