She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
