I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize