watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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