This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
