I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
