just tell him i said nine months
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
