Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
