she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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