she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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