Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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