well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
